:: When will I know who I am ::

I don't know who I am inside for real. And well this is my time to figure that out! I might hurt a few peoples feelings in the process, but I have to do it. Those who are close to me should understand and appreciate it. Those who get upset, and can't understand that, then I don't need you around anymore. I have been thru alot in the past year, alot of life changes, and new learning experiences. Not all of which I have made good choices about. Those of you that have stayed by my side thru everything I do appreciate you guys, and thankyou, you know who you are!

In the most recent months I have become close with somone special. He is an awsome person, and means alot to me! Thing is, I am not showing towards him, the emotion, and etc. that he deserves. And most are probablly like, WHY?!?!?, or HOW!?!?, well theres an easy answer for that. I am not ready to show that towards somone. He has done nothing wrong at all. He is what any girl would want, and then some in a good boyfriend. Problem about it all, is I am not ready to devote myself, time, etc. to a relasionship. And well he shouldn't have to suffer from it. It hurts me alot to have to tell him all of this, but there is no other thing to do. I am not going to be fake about it, and act like nothing is wrong, then 6 months down the road, still be feeling the same way, and have ruined a friendship/relasionship all together. He has been a very close, and good friend to me, for the last year, and I couldn't have asked for anything more. I can talk to and tell him anything, and its great that I can, which is why I have to do this. I am hoping that he understands what I am going thru, and will still be here for me reguardless. I do not want to lose his friendship at all. Wouldn't give that up for the world. But we shall see how things go huh??

Also in the past week, a friend and I have hit some hard spots, and well it sucks. BAD, me and her have always had little spats here and there, but we always worked thru them. Things haven't been so easy for either one of us recently. Things have just been all out of wack, and our atitudes haven't been too well either. I am hoping that we can work past things, but who knows how things will go, we shall see. Just hope she knows I love her to death, and I miss her!



Song that I think I need to learn from, and she has helped me learn from it, thnx Xtina:

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your wayYou will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin To trust the voice within

Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll break it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cryI'll be right here when your world starts to
fallhmmmmm...mmmmmm...